This poem was written with my father in mind who passed from colon cancer in 2010. He was always my inspriration seeing things in me that I couldn’t. It took his passing for me to see what he was telling me all along. I love You Daddy..
Where is the gate keeper, who has the key?
Is it you? Is it me?
Watching you live your life free while i paced the cage of my ind like a hungry lioness waiting for the moment to make you feel my pain——–my pain.
There seemed no forgiveness in me, knocked from one side to the other, never free.
Knocked into the hospital room, hiding behind sunglasses always afraid self esteem fading.
Always the victim never the victor waiting for my moment to stand on my mountain and wave my flag of freedom.
Always diggin in deep for your happiness, always going beyond to see you smile.
Too deep to get out from being buried under the heavy weight of guilt, self-pity and lack.
Forsaking my own inner peace while the hole got bigger–deeper—wider.
Your words your actions able to pierce a soul that cries for softness, not the rough scratch to bleed. You see, One already bled for me more than I can imagine. I am covered in it, my blood is not needed.
The transition of the man I called Daddy brought me closer to the one I know as Savior. Loosed the chains that bound me for years. Nor more fighting, no more tears, no more anger. Remove the black from the picture and enter into the light.
I wondered why I always hated me, walking around with My Cielee mentality because I felt my smile was too big, my butt too big, my heart so small. Waking up and realizing something bigger made me and then I knew.
My mold was unique, my spirit mine. My laughter touches many. My hands hold my children. I touch my body in a way that is soothing to me. I give hugs like no other.
The greatest gift I ever gave myself was the day I learned to forgive. Gathering feelings like flowers in the field, I accept my part in this play of life bowing out to the acts of negativity.
Sure I have my cracks, my chipped paint and my lines may not be straight but I dance to the tune the Supreme One gave me. It twists me, turns me, pulls me making me, molding me from curve to crown. I am the queen to never step down to that mire before my feet once knew.
He has forgiven me
I have forgiven me and now…..
I forgive you.