What I used to think Part I



As a young child going to church was a part of life. Early in the morning to sometimes late at night.  I believed that God had to be happy with me because I was in church so much doing as I saw others doing; holding a bible, helping my Grandparents, knowing the first five books of the bible and reciting the 23 Psalm and the Our Father. As I got older, I strayed away from church as a teenager because I felt I was missing out on life.  Learning that life continued, I married, had children, got them baptized along with myself and my husband and I went to church together but that fell to the wayside when we divorced.  I honestly thought and felt God would not accept me because of how I saw myself in the words in Malichai 2:16 and Matthew 19: 7-9.  I eventually came back to church and I joined choir and felt so at home. I was quietly ushered out of choir when I became pregnant out of wedlock.  Church started to look like a place I would never fit. It just seemed that words and actions were so contradictory.


It wasn’t until later in life that I began to return back to Gods word and church.  I had come out of an abusive relationship and was attending bible class when the pastor explained Ephesians 5 to me that the veil started to lift. You see, this person lorded over me with this book of the bible taking what God meant as submission and twisting it to fit (v: 22-33). Gods word is never meant to be twisted to fit.  They are meant to be taken in the context they are put and applied to the situation in your life. As I began to understand that God was never mad at me (I was mad at myself).  It wasn’t until recent years that my relationship with God became real to me.  Dealing with taking care of my ailing father, family who did not care for his need of me and once again moving and having to rebuild took its toll. I needed a real friend and my Daddy God was there.

Leaning on Him was a no question decision that has allowed me to blossom and see the world and life as I have never seen it before. 

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